Monday, 27 April 2015

I've Been Away - We Moved

The past few months have been filled with mixed emotions for me and I have tried to adapt to my life as it is now and get back into a more positive routine, especially when it comes to my skincare, which is what brought me to the blogging world in the first place. This has been very hard and I have struggled to cope with it all. My low moods and emotional struggles have left me with dry, wrinkly skin and extra weight that I really do not need.

I have also been physically unwell recently, so blogging and stuff was the last thing on my mind. I have, however, been reading blogs and watching YouTube videos, and one thing that I have noticed recently is a definite shift in my interests. Certain YouTubers no longer seem to hold my interests. Their interactions seem contrived and set up. A few still feel genuine, but many of the younger, more successful ones appear to lack depth and have lost much of their lustre.

 I have changed more than you can imagine and I don't think I want to go back. My grief has changed me and that is who I am now.

This month, we moved house again. We moved just down the road to a slightly smaller place with a better layout (mostly - except for the bathroom which is down stairs and has no tub)

The house we have moved into was quite dirty and has black floors, black carpets, a black kitchen and some of the walls are black too, We have been given permission to repaint them white, which we will get to soon, I hope. We've been in for two weeks and I am still cleaning.

The furniture the land lord left behind (2 sofas, a table - currently used as a desk, and a bed, which we have dismantled and put in the loft) is black too.

Last year we moved across London to an unfurnished house after having stayed in a furnished place. As funds and time seemed limited, we bought many items from the local charity shops.

When we moved again, we redonated many of those items and decided to upgrade some of our things to more suitable choices.

Here is where I confess to joining the dark side - we shopped at Ikea. We do not enjoy the maze that is Ikea, so we generally choose online and inspect in person while seeking out all possible shortcuts and the fastest way out.

We have been twice in as many weeks. Once during the week, which was not too bad, and then (stupid us) on a Sunday afternoon. You read correctly. We went to Ikea on a Sunday afternoon. Never Again!

Okay, it was not that bad, but it was really irritating - very busy and full of selfish oblivious people who think you are invisible.

We bought a book shelf for our home office, a desk for me and some of that funky square shelving for the lounge (plus a few little odds and ends).

I love our new stuff. It is so pretty and sleek and grown up.

I especially love my desk. A lot. It's perfect.

Thank you Mr C for putting it together already so I can set up my stuff and for being so super fantastically awesome throughout this move and this month!

I love you the mostest!

When the house is ready and done, I may let you see it ...

For now, Good night all.

I've Been Away - My Baby's Birthday Update

Hello again!

I've been away for two whole months and I did miss this.

I have been struggling and bit and having a hard time with things lately.

As we approached Angelica's 1st birthday, things got really hard, but we have survived that incredibly sad day.

We went to visit her grave - something we do not do very often. We connect with our daughter in a different way. Some people connect at the cemetery, but we have a special nightly ritual where we light candles for her and have a chat before bed, every night. We also buy her flowers on a weekly basis (depending on the longevity of the flowers) so their is always a pretty bouquet for her.

For her birthday, we got her a beautiful bouquet of South African flowers, including Proteas, from Tesco. It seemed fitting and is lasting pretty well. We also bought her a Rose scented candle, which we burned over night as well as a couple of fairy/angel figurines. (one to keep here and one for her grave.)

I did try to organise her stone, but when we found out it would not be ready for her birthday, it took a lot of the pressure off, so now we are just making sure we get the exact design etc that we want. I must say, choosing wording for your baby's grave is not easy. Nothing seems to work.

In fact, this whole thing is just crazy. I cannot tell you how heartbreaking it is to be planning a gravestone for your child's 1st birthday, rather than planing a party.

To commemorate our little Angelica, we invited our family and friends from around the world to send us little stones from where they lived with their names and locations written or painted on them. Jewish people, traditionally, do not put flowers at graves; they place stones and pebbles, so we thought it would be nice to have some from all over the world.

I do admit that I was surprised by certain people who did participate. I was also surprised by certain people who did not.

Right now, we are collecting them and displaying them at home. When Angelica's stone is ready, we will weather proof those than need it and put hem there.

I think I will end this blog post here and continue my update on another post.