I've Been Away - My Baby's Birthday Update

Monday, April 27, 2015

Hello again!

I've been away for two whole months and I did miss this.

I have been struggling and bit and having a hard time with things lately.

As we approached Angelica's 1st birthday, things got really hard, but we have survived that incredibly sad day.

We went to visit her grave - something we do not do very often. We connect with our daughter in a different way. Some people connect at the cemetery, but we have a special nightly ritual where we light candles for her and have a chat before bed, every night. We also buy her flowers on a weekly basis (depending on the longevity of the flowers) so their is always a pretty bouquet for her.

For her birthday, we got her a beautiful bouquet of South African flowers, including Proteas, from Tesco. It seemed fitting and is lasting pretty well. We also bought her a Rose scented candle, which we burned over night as well as a couple of fairy/angel figurines. (one to keep here and one for her grave.)

I did try to organise her stone, but when we found out it would not be ready for her birthday, it took a lot of the pressure off, so now we are just making sure we get the exact design etc that we want. I must say, choosing wording for your baby's grave is not easy. Nothing seems to work.

In fact, this whole thing is just crazy. I cannot tell you how heartbreaking it is to be planning a gravestone for your child's 1st birthday, rather than planing a party.

To commemorate our little Angelica, we invited our family and friends from around the world to send us little stones from where they lived with their names and locations written or painted on them. Jewish people, traditionally, do not put flowers at graves; they place stones and pebbles, so we thought it would be nice to have some from all over the world.

I do admit that I was surprised by certain people who did participate. I was also surprised by certain people who did not.

Right now, we are collecting them and displaying them at home. When Angelica's stone is ready, we will weather proof those than need it and put hem there.

I think I will end this blog post here and continue my update on another post.

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