Parenting is Scary

Monday, November 30, 2015

Parenting, I thought, would be a sinch.

Surely it can't be that complicated. I mean, it's been done billions of times.

At the end of the day, it isn't complicated; it is simply the most terrifying experience of my life.

From the moment I knew my girl was there, I feared for her. Having lost her sister, I knew that her pregnancy would be full of anxiety. Little did I know that my levels of fear were amateurish in comparison with what was to come.

Don't get me wrong, I am figuring this parenting thing out and I am trying not to be too judgemental at myself, but I am not good with failure and I thought this would be a little more straight forward. I did after all help a lot with my brother when he was born.

They say it will be different with your own, but you never quite believe it until you spend the whole night awake, while she is happily sleeping away, just because you are terrified of losing her to SIDS or any other of the myriad horrors that can take one's precious infant away.

I try to be level headed, but when my little rainbow cries she looks so terribly sad, that I spend much of my time ensuring that she is happy and contented, while trying to figure out this whole mystical routine everyone keeps banging on about.

I am trying to get her to sleep in her own bed (or just sleep). I am currently trying a combination of either a swaddleme or a growbag. Both have their advantages and challenges, mainly that she isn't a huge fan of either, but I need to keep her warm and out of trouble. This baby flails around like an Olympic backstroke swimmer, kicking off blankets and freaking herself out in the process. I can only swaddle her once she is asleep, or she fights it. Once she is alseep and in it, she is calm and warm and it's all okay.

On top of the physical issues, there are all those pesky psychological concerns; I do not want to raise her to be a bully or spoiled or a homicidal maniac. Neither do I want her to be an introverted, anxious, door mat.

I do not spend all my time overthinking like this.

I spend my time feeding, changing and trying to figure out when and how often to do what, like bathing or play / tummy time, especially in this next phase of my daughter's life (She is now 3 months old).

It was easy when all she did was eat and sleep, but now, she spends more time awake and in need of stimulation and entertainment.

This is where I worry about doing the right thing and keeping her mind occupied and growing along with her body.

I love my kid and I want her to be happy and well cared for. I just hope I am doing everything I can to get her that, and not leaving anything out. (I have already missed out on getting her hand and feet prints and getting her those cute milestone cards for photos - and those are just the things I am aware of).

What are your fears?
What are the things you always try and do or remember?

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